5 Tips on How To Forgive A Cheating Husband And Move On (Properly)
Learning how to forgive a cheating husband and move on is not about forgetting what they’ve done. It’s not about pretending it never happened. It’s about understanding the cause, making sure it doesn’t happen again and moving past it.
These are 5 tips on how you can get back to where you once where together but this isn’t an overnight process. The sooner you start the better, but be prepared for the long-run here. The time it takes to fully forgive a cheating spouse and move on varies from couple to couple but surveys have an average of a year before it’s something you’re going to be able to joke about.
Every marriage is going to be different in some way, shape or form. Hopefully the advice here will help give you some guidance but if you want some more specific advice then take a free marriage assessment quiz. It can help fix the underlying problems, not just address the symptoms.
Marriage is an institution of trust, connection, love, and respect. So when one party crosses a line and cheats (be it emotionally or physically), it evokes feelings of betrayal and pain that are hard to overcome. More often than not, married couples in this situation decide on a divorce since the cheated on party can’t overcome the feelings of hurt and disappointment. However, sometimes the love is stronger than the affair and both partners try to find a compromise and make their relationship work. So this begs the question.
How to forgive a cheating husband and move on?
This may seem like an impossible task at first, but there are ways that you can forgive your husband for his actions.
1. Come to terms with your emotions.
Once you discover that your husband was unfaithful, you are overflooded with emotions and rage. Don’t worry — it’s completely normal. Let yourself feel everything so that you can truly process your emotions. Try talking to a friend, family member or your therapist about what you’re dealing with. Bottling up your feelings is a bad idea and it will only come back to bite you and your relationship. No matter how hard it is, if you decide to try to fix your marriage, you have to come to terms with the actions that your husband has taken. Remember how much you love your husband and that you cannot imagine your life without him. Keeping that in your mind will help you forgive him at the end.
2. Remain calm and collected.
When chated on, the first instinct we all have is to yell and scream. Out pride and feelings are hurt so we feel like there’s no other way we can truly express ourselves. However, in order to deal with the situation in full, you have to remain calm, especially when talking to your husband about the future of your marriage. What’s more, never discuss your marital status when under the influence of strong emotions since you will only say mean and hurtful things that will further poison your relationship.
Instead, try to release your emotions in a health way. Some good ways to do that are boxing (or any type of sport), talking to a trusted person, listening to music, dancing, or even having a girls night. Whatever it is for you, make sure you fo it — what you’re feeling is justified and you should feel it, and the emotions need to be let out. Otherwise, you will not be able to move on and will forever despise your spouse.
3. Take a break.
Oftentimes, when people think about ‘taking a break’ in a relationship, they equate it with breaking up. However, it doesn’t have to mean that. Taking a break can be healthy and beneficial for both of you. You will be able to clear your mind and see how you feel without having your spouse around. After all, living in the same house and sleeping in the bed as your husband can hurt you even more and might even seem impossible. So, that’ when taking a break comes in. Doing so, will also help you figure out whether you miss him or not, which can be hard to tell when you are constantly in the presence of your husband. Taking a break is also a good idea as it helps you deal with your emotions without risking putting them all onto your spouse, which is not the right way to deal with the situation.
Before you take the break, make sure that you have an open channel of communication between you and your husband so that he knows that it’s only temporary. This will help you avoid any resentment and hurt feelings that can potentially prevent your healing. There are many ways you can make this transition easy on both of you as well as your children (if you have any). You can go and stay at your friend’s or parents’ house for a while or your husband can do that. As long as you maintain contact and communication between each other, such a break can ‘make or break’ your relationship.
4. Don’t blame yourself.
After being chated, it’s easy to blame yourself. You might ask yourself many questions: Was it something I’ve done? Was I not being a good wife? Am I not enough? Doesn’t he find me attractive anymore? Regardless of what your thoughts are telling you, it’s important to remember that you’re experiencing strong and intense emotions and that’s the only reason you’re feeling this way. It’s never your fault when someone cheats on you and you have to remember that, no matter what. Treat yourself with kindness during this difficult time and don’t beat yourself up over the situation — there’s nothing you can do to change it now.
5. Communicate with your husband.
When trying to forgive your husband for cheating and attempting to move on, it is extremely vital to maintain healthy communication between you and your husband. After all, you both have to come to a mutual understanding. However, wait with having any serious discussion after you have coped with your strong emotions as it won’t benefit any of you if you will be angrily crying while trying to make your point. Your feelings are valid and you have to experience them, but try to have be calm when starting the conversation.
It might be hard to even think about talking with someone who have hurt you so deeply, but if you made the decision to reconcile, you will have to take that step at some point. Remember to listen to your husband’s feelings and explanations as well. You don’t have to accept or even relate to his feelings, but it is essential that you acknowledge them in order to move on. Communicating about the issue is the most important part of moving forwards after the affair.
At the end of the day, if you truly love your husband and are adamant on forgiving him, remember that it is possible. It will take time though so don’t expect a quick fix. You have to be patient, both with yourself as well as your spouse, and communicate with each other clearly and openly.