Figuring out how to get the truth from a cheating spouse isn’t about screaming or fighting with each-other. It’s an equal mix of understanding both the what and why of the cheating and then we can start moving forward.
You might have heard communication is the key in marriage. This is said so much it’s practically a cliche by now but there’s a reason it’s said so often. I’m going to cover some advice you can use to get them talking.
Only then can you begin to take the next step.
Every marriage is going to be different in some way, shape or form. Hopefully the advice here will help give you some guidance but if you want some more specific advice then take a free marriage assessment quiz. It can help fix the underlying problems, not just address the symptoms.
When your partner is unfaithful to you, trust is immediately broken, and you often live in lies. That is why, in most cases, it is difficult to get your partner to admit cheating. So, always be attentive to the things he says and look for any inconsistency in the excuses he gives you. If he uses too simplistic language and with few words to justify their absences or strange behaviors, they are likely to be unfaithful.
So, now that you suspect your spouse is cheating, how do you get him to confess? In this post, we tell you how to get the truth from a cheating spouse. It is important to remain calm and not to become an aggressive or violent person during the process.
1. Do not intimidate him
Although many people think that the best way to extract information is by intimidating the partner, the only thing you will achieve is not even giving them the space to admit the infidelity. You have to give him time to speak, and not respond to each of his statements with another question, accusation, or arguments.
If you’re asking how to get the truth from a cheating spouse then I can probably safely assume you might feel the urge to yell at him. Anger is natural and understandable but it’s not going to get you what you want right now.
2. Show empathy
If your partner thinks that you understand and that you are empathetic to their behavior, this will make him/her feel confident and will be more likely to admit to infidelity. For example, you can say: “I know that lately I have been very busy at work and I have not had time for us.” With this atmosphere of understanding, your spouse will confess, and there will be no going back.
3. Always nod your head when he is speaking
This sign agrees and encourages his/her speech. That is, your spouse can get more comfortable and keep talking. If you do this, he may give clues about his recent activities and even confess his infidelity. If he doesn’t tell you exactly what he was doing, you can find at least some clues that can help you discover the truth.
4. Use priming techniques
You may be asking yourself: But what is priming? This is a technique in the field of psychology that allows the exposure of someone’s behavior and thoughts with the help of certain phrases and words. With that, your partner will cooperate much more when using this technique. So ask the following question very casually: How honest are you?
Obviously, your spouse will answer that he is very honest, because most people imagine themselves as super honest people. However, mixed with guilt, he may likely admit to infidelity.
5. Change the order of the story
A good way to try to catch a lie from your partner is to ask him to tell his story again, but in a different way. You can ask him to use a starting point in the middle of the story. Usually, people who lie cannot tell the story in another order. They are not able to speak the reverse or start from any point.
Tell your partner that you want them to recap everything that happened that day. Then ask him, “What happened before that?” If you find that he cannot order the facts any other way, or loses the sequence of events, ask the following question: “Are you really sure you were in this place?” or “Can you tell me what really happened that day?” He will have no choice but to tell you the truth.
6. Add traps
It is very common for unfaithful people to involve friends or family to justify their absences, attitudes, and behaviors. You can choose to tell your spouse an incorrect version of the events that he had already communicated to you. But this time, you can add some details to the story. For example, you can tell him, “Ah yes, you said that after the office you went bowling, right? “Even though you know that he never said that, if it’s a lie, he will fall into the game, and the deception will be impossible to deny.
7. Ask open questions
Avoid asking closed questions that will only have “yes” or “no” answers. When the questions are open, your spouse will need to speak. So, the more he speaks, the more information you get, and the more facts you will have. Open-ended questions make the other person much more comfortable. This can help him reveal, even if indirectly, that he was cheating on you. Always note the small details of the story.
8. Find the proof
Your spouse will likely speak the truth if you confront him with evidence. But how do you get the proof? There are several ways you can gather evidence; some of them are:
I. Asking friends or colleagues: This is the easiest way. If you suspect your spouse was with someone but claims he was working, you can call his colleagues/friends and confirm.
II. Hire detective: This will cost you a lot, but you will have peace of mind. You can get the services of a detective who will bring you tangible evidence.
III. Use spy phone software: you can keep an eye on your partner telephone by using spying software to see who they talk and chat with.
These are just some of the ways you can use to find proof. The more evidence you get, the better.
You had that dreaded conversation, and your partner admitted that he/she was cheating on you? Even if you had suspicions about the infidelity, hearing it from his/her mouth is bound to shock you. You might need time to think, cry, or even to get upset. Don’t make a hasty decision on what to do. When this first stage of anger and sadness is over, you may want to find the other side of the story.
If you decide to forgive him/her and continue with your relationship, you may find it hard to trust him again. However, address the main issues and come to an understanding. But, if you feel too hurt to continue this relationship, take some time for yourself, and continue on your own. It will all depend on the circumstances, your history, and how you feel for each other.